This crazy gift called life!

Well, it's finally here...the start of Hormone season...keep alert for frequent mood changes, large wind gusts from frequent yelling, and possible damage from thrown objects. Frequent hormone watches may affect your area! If your area is affected by a hormone warning please grab a bowl of chocolate ice cream and proceed to the nearest closet to take cover. In the event of a raging hormonal storm, hold bowl of ice cream over your head and pray! Yes, it is thebeginning  of the school year...wish me luck as I will be trapped in a house with 2 preteen girls...! This has been a public service announcement! :)

I smell coffee! *sniffs appreciatively* *follows smell into hallway* *inhales hugely and gags on cloud of perfume* *coughs and sputters in shock* The Raggy Side has gassed me! *whispers to Obipon* Smart adversaries, they are! (I do believe we will be downgrading to a "less scented" perfume seeing as they feel they need to wear the entire bottle at once!) The training of Princess Littlepad and her evil tormentor, Darth Mustyodor, is coming to an end. Summer looms endlessly before me...filled with tampon lightsaber battles and hormone-fueled peasant riots...Why must school end? *sigh* *sips coffee and enjoys the peaceful life*....

Jadyn (my youngest daughter): Mom, can I go swimming?  Me: Have you done your dishes yet?  *Intermission for small preteen screaming tantrum followed by angry muttering*  10 MINUTES LATER: Mom, I can't do dishes because we have no dish soap! *sips coffee while remembering I just washed a coffee mug 15 minutes ago with a 3/4 full bottle of dish soap*  Walking into the kitchen, I realize that the dish soap monster has struck again and left behind his calling card of 6 mason jars filled with a blue soap-like substance hidden behind the dish drainer. *grins and sips my coffee* diabolical little monster, isn't he? ;)

Waving at my daughters as they head off to school, I am silently chuckling inside, thinking about our morning. It starts, per the usual, with a blanket tug of war and the evil Darth Vader death stare from both of them...afterwards it quickly dissolves into World War 3: Hormone Edition. They have their own drama series in my mind called "Star Rags". Mainly because of their creativity with weapons choice :) *chuckles* My trip to the coffee pot is often fraught with danger since I must brave the hallway between the bathroom and their headquarters :) It's all good unless you unwittingly wander into a tampon lightsaber duel or catch a curling iron cord trip wire meant for the enemy...my natural clumsiness often makes this quite entertaining.  The name of some "mom" person (not sure who this is? *giggles*) is often bandied about the house followed by phrases such as "Mom, she looks like a jackwagon! Make her change her clothes!" *scratching my head* What is ...

Fateful Heart   What cruel trick is this.. to love and not receive? To reach for and never touch? Fate wields her spiteful power with an uncaring flick of wrist; and goes about her duty with nary a backward glance. "What of me?", I cry! "Is my pain unworthy of your notice?" "Does my heart's blood upon the floor not garner your attention?" Yet she strolls on, ever the cruel mistress.  I languish here in agony, bereft and alone... Until life wanders past and admonishes, "Come, you must journey on."

Lancelot My heart echoes within the cavern of your love... Amazing me with the depths of your soul. My being hearkens nearer desperately trying to grasp this wonder. My mind is shattered by the impossibility of it. My eyes are blinded by that which is you... A pure being completely unfettered by the curse of evil. your wings bound and hidden from sight... My love setting them to view as would daylight shining against night. Compassion laying bare  your soul to my awed gaze. My stained and broken soul stares longingly into your light. With a gentle smile upon your countenance, forward, you step, and claim my hand.. Joining our souls and ending my future as the eternally damned.

Standing Fall   Dream's so close, as if to tease.  You've but to pluck it from the branch  just out of reach . Everything you wanted, suspended there... waiting nonchalantly, as you shudder with despair. Stretching, reaching, falling short... rending and tearing at your heart. All you want is the could have been; the place you should have been had fate not dealt it's hand. But, alas, the past is sealed with time's molten brand; and your dream....tis there... with the Reaper it stands.

Heaven's Blue In awe, I caress your face. What is this amazing light within your ever-changing eyes? This emotion that courses between us with each caress? Heart racing within my chest... Limbs tingling? Surely, you jest! What unknown thing causes this? My body turns molten at the sound of your honeyed voice. My soul is lost to your Siren's kiss. Is breath possible without your lips to sustain it? your arms are heaven and your body the path to bliss. How does one ever turn loose of a treasure such as this?

Hell-Crossed Pain ripping heart from chest. Talons of poison drip cursed blood into my veins. Gasping deeply for air with lungs that have ceased to inflate. A blow to the stomach  I was unable to anticipate. Knowing inside I was hell-bound... your angel's heart bid me forget my fate for a bit... An endless, barren eternity stretches before me; with an absence of your light, an eternity of night. Hands grasping to keep you near.. But knowing my place rests far beneath you. My foretold place is clear. Your flawless body, My scarred one shall never touch. My broken lips never receiving your cherished kiss. Your pure soul never to be tainted with one such as this. Our star-crossed fate, in my head, tis but a myth. Tis' in hell where the kind such as mine exist.

Wander Wanderlust, why will you not  let my weary soul rest? The journey has been long... every mile a test My heart is aching, my mind torn asunder. I do not wish to leave and once again begin to wander. From shore to shore; to this hearth and that.. Leaving behind all that's known for an empty road and occasional shack. I wish to have a hearth and fire of mine own; and a family to share it with... Not to be left all alone to wonder what it would be like  to have a home.

The Right of It What right do i have to endeavor to secure your heart so that mine might not be so barren? What right to suck the joy from thine eyes to appease my misery? To taint the pureness of your soul with the burden of loneliness? I would not ask this of you; this aimless life of wandering. To force the light in your eyes to dim, and your beautiful soul  to crumble. To watch you become a shadow of your glory... So, instead, I shall smile  and call you friend.

Wistful Wistfully gazing upon you, wishing fervently to call you mine. To hold you within my arms and expound it to the heavens. To stroke fingers upon your brow each sunrise. Watching you awaken to the new day... Denim eyes brightening when gazing upon my face. To feel my heart stop as a smile breaks across your face.. meant only for me. To forever be in awe of the feelings holding you elicits within me. To caress your beautiful skin As you drift back to sleep... Allowing me to gaze wistfully once again.

Mind Trap Eyes opening...blinking... What cruel joke is this? Blackness surrounds from every angle till I'm sure I shall go mad from it. My heart thundering loudly amidst the emptiness. An ache of desperation spreads within my breast. Tortured screams rise, combined with shrieks of loneliness. Scratching upon the walls... some poor soul is trapped. Desolation creeping within on every breath. What awful place is this? Visions assailing my mind from days past... Ach, I remember! Tis' the cage I built in my mind... when you left.

Complete   I love you... have always loved you. Since the beginning of time, my soul has sought yours. My heart craving the only beat in harmony with it's own. Two halves... of the same whole. My mind wandering in search of  the gift of being understood. My eyes seeking the countenance first witnessed in dream... Your voice a  Siren's song to my ear. A smile wreaths my face... the end of my pilgrimage is near! As you step through the door... my soul understands it shall journey no more. 

Living   As the sunlight peeks over the horizon, My melancholy mood strives to cling more tightly to my soul; To press back the warmth of that divine orb... to once again leave my heart cold, dead and barren.   I stare longingly at the glistening rays. Oh, to feel the comfort of them upon my countenance once again! Dare I break the yoke of my inauspicious ways? Dare I grip my courage with both hands? Do I choose to, once again, walk the path of the living? Or, do I remain in the grey-scale of shadow? Pondering these things, my heart races as I raise my foot to step into the light... My body shudders in pleasure as the first rays bathe my skin.

Gilded   A beautiful bird stares from a gilded cage. The door closes  and it's soul dies once again. The loneliness calls to my heart from within Such a tragic, interminable life to live. What a travesty  to trap a pure soul such as this! Hold on, my love, as I set you free... You've so much of the world yet to see

Purely Tainted   Your love before me so precious and rare. I dare not taint it with poison-tipped fingers. I deserve not this gift of lingering devotion, this bounty of grace and boundless adoration. I gaze upon you and I am blinded by your pureness... I am damaged and undeserving of such beauty. The evil within my soul hearkens to grab hold of your angelic soul and see it twisted with discontentment. Loneliness wishes to perch upon you doorstep and wait you bid it enter. Jealousy wishes to settle within your heart as a blackened root of malice... spreading it's vines of hatred and  stealing the innocence of your soul... Until, one day, I meet your eyes and gaze into twin pools of resentment. Essence shattering...my love lies hidden within my dormant soul. My arms cage my chest.. as half my heart is torn from breast.

Purgatory   My eyes read your desires as if stepping from the pages of your own erotica. Your body flushes with pleasure as my behavior adapts to become that which you crave. Every touch visited upon the spots your very heart yearns for. Every dark wish gleaned from your mind and fulfilled forthwith. Your soul wants nothing but the continuation of this ecstacy... your body wishes desperately for the stroke that sets your body ablaze... Tis' the sweet purgatory of desire....  

Sunrise Twilight Twilight suddenly sets at the dawning of your life. Your engaging smile now one of Heaven's graces. Leaving behind you the lesson to live life as you see fit. For a short time,  blessing this world with hands set on helping, a heart befriending all, the sole obsession of wringing every bit of laughter from life's greedy fingers and trying to make your niche along the path of destiny. As twilight suddenly sets on the dawn of your life, those left behind tuck our memories close; while admiring the mark your path to destiny left on our lives. In Memory of  Ben "Rice" McIntyre 1989-2011 Miss you, Little Brother...Love you.

Cloaked Strolling the floors as if it were your birthright. Your eyes the heaven-sent wish of the damned. Your sculpted lips sneering coldly at those not sharing your esteemed fate. The perfection of your form, truly the creation of angels. This deceitful beauty harbors an innate evil... For through your veins courses only acid. Wickedness and lies, forming your heart of malice. Pain and desolation, the only gifts wrought from your fingertips,  and crushing hatred is borne from your silver tongue.  This all well-learned by the trembling form in the corner... Her green eyes staring resignedly knowing her suffering begins anew.

Orion's Dream The sun alights upon the dewed grass, forming a thousand diamonds  to guide my path. My heart creates its own erratic cadence at the thought of being  graced with your presence. You, my most coveted dream, My darkest secret... Quietly traipsing after the sound of your voice, Catching breath-stealing glimpses of you amidst the trees. Branches dipping down, concealing me from a world unable to understand. Trying vainly to quiet my capricious mind... Thoughts of you swamping me, as a beach at high tide. Envious of all blessed enough to share in your time. But, alas, the lives we've chosen are galaxies apart... Mine, that of a  lonely satellite heart. So, I shall steal stealthily by... shining quietly upon your face. Helplessly drawn closer... By the gravity of your gaze.

Chameleon An endless smile wreathing my face, never faltering... No matter the obstacles strewn across my path. The pain courses ubiquitously  through my veins. My thoughts reaching within, flicking a switch... watching dispassionately as anger fades to nothing. An enthralled audience gazes at my seemingly unaffected state. A capricious mind doing anything necessary to achieve the balance it must maintain. Insidious emotion forcefully  locked away... awaiting further analysis. This regimented process bringing, not even a flicker of disquiet forward to grace my countenance. All consuming apathy, once again, pervades my soul, As I calmly peruse my plethora of disguises... Before my eyes alight, with bonne chance, Upon my masque of choice...

Earth-Bound Angel Wings bound and tethered tight.. Never to know  the thrill of flight. Heavenly eyes, filled with brilliant light. Peering toward the stars  far beyond the night. Oath-bound will torn.. between longing and finishing the flight. But, alas, victory shall remain out of sight. Destiny remains elusive, no battle will there be tonight. Though he wishes for the end, with all his might, the finish of this life as an earth-bound knight. God Bless all of our Troops. You are in my prayers.

       All this open space for my thoughts...a bit overwhelming, really. What could I possibly have to say that anyone would be remotely interested in? lol. I am surrounded, in this world, by so many amazing people...so in the scheme of things a person feels like a tiny dot in the midst of humanity...I don't live a megawatt life but I am the blessed mother of 2 daughters and a stepson and stepdaughter...happily married and of the working class...and, though, I know that no one will probably ever read this, the most important thing I have ever learned is: Life is, very simply, what you make of it...whether you are rich, poor, healthy or otherwise...you make the choice to be happy with what you have. It isn't a choice that, once made, is set in stone...it is an ongoing decision that has to be made every day. You can always better yourself but you must always be happy with who you are before you can truly be happy with anything else...this includes being happy with...