Insecurity

-
Disrobing, 
I stare at myself in the mirror
Wondering what you would see
 if you were next to me,
Knowing I couldn't blame you 
if you turned and walked away.
I see the sagging of age 
Where the suppleness of youth once reined.
The wrinkles and uneven tone 
of my once peaches and cream skin.
Remembering how softly toned my stomach was
now ravaged by time and motherhood.
Wishing you could have known me 
when I had the beauty of smooth, 
unmarked skin to offer you. 
Knowing I can only remedy the damage 
to a certain degree,
I grit my my teeth and wish for the best. 

Hating that I can't help feeling this way.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Diary of the Other

-
I never thought I would fall so deeply in love with someone that I would be fundamentally rewired. Everything has become about him. My life, my every breath, is his. I am so lost when we are apart...my body feels hollow and I can feel the tug of my soul leaving to be next to his side. The happiness of being his is overwhelming but, so is the pain and sadness. Everything is amplified. Crying everyday on the way home from the pain of being apart from him. Staring for hours into the dark, unable to sleep because I just want to stare at his face in my mind a little longer. The effects of his scent on my body. How his arms instantly quiet my anxiety. His love satiates me in a way I never thought existed. How the touch of anyone else makes me physically nauseated. The pain of knowing he cannot be mine. Decimated by thoughts of anyone else's touch on his smooth skin, tasting his masterful kisses, or experiencing his dominance. I ache to be marked as his and mark him as m...
Read more

Intro to Life as I see it :)

-
       All this open space for my thoughts...a bit overwhelming, really. What could I possibly have to say that anyone would be remotely interested in? lol. I am surrounded, in this world, by so many amazing people...so in the scheme of things a person feels like a tiny dot in the midst of humanity...I don't live a megawatt life but I am the blessed mother of 2 daughters and a stepson and stepdaughter...happily married and of the working class...and, though, I know that no one will probably ever read this, the most important thing I have ever learned is: Life is, very simply, what you make of it...whether you are rich, poor, healthy or otherwise...you make the choice to be happy with what you have. It isn't a choice that, once made, is set in stone...it is an ongoing decision that has to be made every day. You can always better yourself but you must always be happy with who you are before you can truly be happy with anything else...this includes being happy with...
Read more

Left

-
God, I hate watching you leave me. My heart shatters into a thousand pieces each time. It never hurts less or gets any easier. I want to grab your arm or chase your car down the street and beg you to take me with you. To let me be yours. Anything but to go back to feeling the complete emptiness that is my existence when we are apart. Hearing only muted sounds and seeing only faded colors. Being unable to catch my breath from the hole that seems to open in my chest. I want nothing more than to curl into a ball of misery and sleep until I am able to see your face again. Just listening to the pain circling in my mind. I live only for the sunrise now because it brings you back to me.
Read more