This crazy gift called life!

I ache to be all that you need but, I am bound so tightly by secrecy. Watching your thoughts slow with fatigue And your frustration ever increasing. Driven to calm you but, Unable to touch what does not belong to me. Feeling myself withdraw inward, Helplessness slowly eating away at my mind. Watching the one I love Suffer needlessly  While I wait, trapped In this glass prison... With everything your heart requires to find comfort sitting uselessly within me. Looking sadly through the crystal clarity of my bars, I try futilely to channel My warmth to your heart.

Jerking awake, Your words echoing in my mind.. “You’re too much...I can’t do this anymore” Words I never thought to be directed my way, After a lifetime of the opposite.  My body shaking with silent tears As the remnants of the dream’s emotions ravage my mind.  Knowing it was only a dream but, A very real fear. You have created something in me I am unable to control... If I cannot reign it in to stop it from overwhelming me, How can I ever hope to protect you from being overrun? The constant need for physical touch and emotional reassurance... You may soon weary of being its sole subject of focus.  Quietly reflecting on the results... Knowing it will have no choice But to turn inward and slowly destroy me.  Undecided which is more tragic... To never be enough or always be too much.

As I watch your form fading with distance, My heart aches with loneliness.  I long to follow you And bring you back to my side.  Needing so desperately to have you in my life... But knowing the choice is beyond my control... You are not yet mine.  My body rebelling as I turn to Take the steps that lead me opposite your path. My soul crying quietly As I bite my lip to stop from calling out your name And begging you not to leave.  Please do not leave me alone In the quiet hell the world becomes when you are gone.  After all of this time... I should be accustomed to the way the vibrant colors dim  at your parting... And the sounds of the world Become muted.  As I follow my own path... The chill that always accompanies Our separation settles deeply in my chest. I will quietly wait for the darkness to pass And in the morning you, my sun, Shall warm me again.

Slipping away into the quiet of the darkness... Soft footfalls barely disturbing the night.  Disappearing into the shadows Needing solace from the chaos of life. The world sleeps on peacefully, Oblivious to my escape.  Leaving my angel a heartfelt note... Promising my destination will soon be shared... hoping someday to feel his arms around me once again... Quietly clearing my tears and holding his shirt against my skin, I set my sights on a random location... Perhaps the ocean since it mirrors your beautiful blue eyes. My only guideline... Someplace I am not known.  Taking only a desperate need for solitude and  The future hope of love to sustain my tired soul.  It seems I must wander again.