This crazy gift called life!

Failure tightening my stomach  As I sink further onto my knees. My hands bound. The pleasure on your face not from me But, by your own hand.  My heart sinking as beautiful glistening pearlescent drops, To good for me, Drop to the floor in waste. My head hanging in shame As tears glisten on my cheeks. Watching you wipe away the sweet mark of your ownership  I would have given anything to have. Kneeling quietly, Lost in the shattering guilt of not serving your needs, As you turn and walk away.

Waking in the night,  As I do so often.  Staring into the inky darkness And missing the soft blue of your eyes. I quietly replay our every interaction on a loop in my mind. Closing my eyes, I reach out across our tether... As I have done countless times. When my eyes open,  My gaze alights on your sleeping form.  Stretched out on your side, The moonlight gilding your gorgeous chest and sweet face relaxed in slumber. Smiling softly at the snores rumbling in the air As I settle quietly on the floor next to you.  Reaching out, I stroke your cheek knowing you cannot feel me. I treasure these moments I spend near your side, Surrounded by your scent.  I feel the pull of my body and know sunrise is near... I must go. Closing my eyes as I lean forward and breathe you in, Whispering “I love you”, As I softly kiss you goodbye, My eyes reopen to the graying light of sunrise in my room.

Overwhelmed with the empty feeling of missing you, Inundated with the need to contact you constantly. Unsure of the boundary of love versus obsession... Normal versus whatever else these feelings could be. So completely immersed in us, I barely control the urge to drive nearer to you. I sometimes feel as if I’ve lost my sanity... Lost so deeply in visions of what our life would be, Reminders of reality send my soul curling tightly into itself...refusing to come out for days. And when it does, it follows longingly behind you every moment.  Aching to wrap around you but,  Filled with an agonizing uncertainty, It watches you quietly from a distance. Both of us pondering If a normal mind could love someone so much.