This crazy gift called life!

The constant noise of my mind Circling redundantly... Thoughts fixating on the  absence of your arms... Missing the calmness of your smile... Clinging tightly to our tether... Needing the warmth of  your soul surrounding mine. And your quiet, rumbling voice reassuring me, As the strength of your arms  enfold this cold and fragile form. Craving the feel of your lips against mine The breath of life to lungs  that require your scent. Staring longingly at the stars... Wishing, sadly, that I could spend my nights  looking upon you as they do. 

The silence gnaws at my mind Our tether seeming distant today... Frightening my soul.  Waiting sadly...my mind filled will thoughts of your voice  Feeling my broken pieces tremble in anticipation of cascading across the floor minus the comfort of your arms My world is grey and empty Without the sunshine of your smile.  Missing those sky blue eyes that bring my heart to life and  The scent of your skin at the inhale of every breath.  So many thoughts in my mind... My world feels like it is falling apart.  I just want the safety of your chest beneath my cheek To stop the fall of tears.

Standing under the heated spray of the shower Trying vainly to soak warmth into my frozen body Wishing desperately to be in your arms Knowing they would hold my broken pieces together. Tears blending with the drops of water tracing my skin Mind whirling with loneliness and grief. Soul aching.  Picturing your soft blue eyes, Trying vainly to temper my rampant emotions.  Huddling quietly on the floor, My soul curling sadly around our tether. Knowing no rest will find us tonight... Unable to face the dreams awaiting in the dark. 

Turning to laugh softly at your witty adage, I meet the same soft blue eyes  I have looked into for the past three decades. They are now surrounded by laugh lines but,  I am just as hopelessly in love with the man behind them  As I was the day you took my hand. The years have passed... And our hair has greyed,  Our faces softened to timeworn wrinkles but, The same adoration shines brightly from our eyes when our gazes meet. Your touch still brings me to life.  The gruffness your voice has acquired with age, Still, after all of these years,  Comforts my soul.  Soft kisses from your lips Still erase my every thought. Your arms still remain the only true home  I have ever known.  You have always been my treasure, My ataraxis.  The very last breath I take Will be used to whisper words of love to you.

Eyes opening to the  filtered morning light Blinking sleepily until  my gaze focuses in on the cherished sight of you  still sleeping peacefully in front of me Soaking in the feel of your heat  As your breathing rhythmically  presses your skin against mine. Carefully pressing my face against your back, I inhale your scent. Softly laying my hand on your chest,  To feel the most precious thing  in the world to me, Your heartbeat.  I know I have awoken  just to insure this isn't a dream, And that you are really here in my arms... You, my heaven on earth, are really mine  Comforted by this knowledge,  I gently kiss your skin  and curl closer to you.  Drifting back to sleep  holding an angel in my arms.

I am constantly awed by the  boundless depth of love my soul carries within itself, for you. Do you realize my soul never leaves your side? At night, it would wander away and sleep next to its love... I now find it missing  in the sunlit hours of day... Sitting quietly upon the floor by your side, Watching every nuance of you  with unadulterated adoration.  Being unable to bear the separation from you, Even if only a few feet. I pull it back to me,  Admonishing quietly  that you must have time to yourself without a rapt audience. The sadness of being apart from my mate  permeates me as I pull it back within me... The feeling so desolate that My eyes mist in response. I quietly let go of the bonds,  Releasing my soul to the only home it has ever known.  Happily, it tucks itself back in, Next to your feet,  Continuing its vigil of love. 

I miss you today so much it aches... Longing desperately for your arms And the future we have before us.  Waiting to spend my life gazing into the eyes of The person whom I was designed for... My other half, my soulmate. Waking every morning to the sound of your heartbeat beneath my ear And your soft gusts of breath drifting across my bare skin. Kissing you awake for the rest of eternity, Seeing that smile you only have for me as you drift awake from your dreams to join me for the day.  Holding you close over coffee  and  spending evenings listening to your brilliant mind.   Being your solace, your safe haven,  when your shoulders have borne too much.  Finishing each star-lit night loving you to exhaustion and Listening to your sighs of relaxation  upon my chest as you drift peacefully  back to your dreams. 

Acutely longing for the quiet mind  your presence gifts me with. My thoughts a pain-inducing  jumble of string with no end to begin untangling them.  Your calmness grounds my soul  and gives it purpose and guidance, As the moon rescues the tides from chaos and disharmony. Your presence a balm to my forlorn and weary soul, So tired of trying to find its way  through this heartless, labyrinth of a world.  Craving your embrace, And the restful reprieve that Only your arms offer me.  Needing the protection of your strength I am so desperately tired,  Closing my eyes in defeat   and longing to hear your whispered words, You are safe, my baby girl. Sleep.

The soft warmth of your soul  Brushes mine As if knowing I have curled up in my bed, The time my heart misses you the absolute most. I feel your heat, like a tangible entity, My body temperature physically increasing as your soul  curls around my lonely form.   My soul shifts restlessly in my chest, Needing to clasp you and  Hold you close,  to keep you safely protected in my arms.  My mind sensing the same loneliness in you through our tether... Leaving me contemplating how to physically pull your soul closer... To ease our loneliness.  Softly running my hand over the sheet, Where I feel, with all my heart, The indentation of your soul would be, I try vainly to wish you next to me,  My eyes misting as I think of how much I miss your heartbeat.  Wrapping your shirt tightly around me, I softly whisper "My heart is always yours"  And, closing my eyes, Picture your gorgeous face in my mind  Until I drift into a restless sleep. 

Never learning to mind my words, Forgetting to consider if they would injure or offend.  Abruptly ended conversations  Making me pick apart every syllable, Wondering if I've inadvertently crossed a hurtful boundary Once again.  Struggling so violently with what is publicly acceptable  To the point of feeling socially handicapped sometimes.  My ideas, words, and humor... Are either before their time or  Will never see their time. The constant frustration of Effortlessly helping others blossom,  Yet, being unable to reach those goals myself. How can one person  Be so socially inept? I should be quarantined  To an undisclosed location Where the only one to be verbally injured  Is me.

It's disarming how the  Absence of your presence, Alters the very atmosphere  Of the world around me. The vivacity of the colors Seem quiet and subdued, As though they know My personal sunshine is away. The smell of the air, zestless, Without the rich notes of your scent permeating it. Nature's sounds are muted and hollow,  Because the rhythm of your heartbeat Gives them their beauty. The words around me Mean nothing because,  without you near,  Nothing makes sense. Every brush of my skin against something, Causing me to shy away. The only thing my body can stand now, Is your touch. My soul restlessly pacing, Trying vainly to watch over you Through our tether,  Needing you safely close again. My thoughts run overwhelmingly rampant Through my mind, Only quieting when you are here... You are my calm... Your arms, my safe haven... My face pressed against your heart... Is Home.

The beauty of having Always been a ghost, Is it does not matter When you are forgotten, Since you've never become Accustomed to being remembered. The acceptance of always being An afterthought, Just seems like a part of who you are. Knowing only that it makes you Meticulous about treasuring the needs of others, So they need never Adjust to this way of thought. When your favorite color is grey, Chosen because it accurately portrays Who you've always been... A spectre... Always fading silently into the shadows. Leaving those around you curiously pondering What they are forgetting.

Grey-green and sky blue gazes meet, Two souls caressing across space. The adoration in that connection  Permeates the air of the room. Like magnets, they are helplessly drawn To the proximity of the other. Fingertips reaching to touch,  To caress what they have each claimed as their own. Craving the completeness  That only comes when their bodies are fused as one.  Each knowing they could  Never belong to another... Their tethered souls would never survive without its mate. Each meeting of their lips, A testament to the love between them. The echo of their heartbeats, A symphony heard only from soulmates... The sound of two souls  Intertwined for eternity.

Missing my sunshine   Smiling upon my skin. The warmth of his gaze Heating my soul from within.  Craving his arms  And they way they make  My broken pieces align perfectly again.  Missing the way his blue eyes Always resemble the most beautiful of summer skies. His laugh emitting the purest vibration As it dances across my skin. Missing the silky caress of his kiss Against my wanton lips... I am missing all of him.

Disrobing,  I stare at myself in the mirror Wondering what you would see  if you were next to me, Knowing I couldn't blame you  if you turned and walked away. I see the sagging of age  Where the suppleness of youth once reined. The wrinkles and uneven tone  of my once peaches and cream skin. Remembering how softly toned my stomach was now ravaged by time and motherhood. Wishing you could have known me  when I had the beauty of smooth,  unmarked skin to offer you.  Knowing I can only remedy the damage  to a certain degree, I grit my my teeth and wish for the best.  Hating that I can't help feeling this way.

Feeling your stress through our connection,  As though it were my own. Struggling to fight my natural need to soothe you... Knowing you are out of my reach. The torture is sensing when you need me And being helpless in the face of it. Longing to assuage your mind by whatever means necessary,  Whether in my arms or merely talking through your uneasiness.  Exhausting myself to the point of blissful black oblivion To dull my protective instincts.  Still, I would always choose this over the option of you missing from my life.

As if feeling my loneliness tonight, Your soul burrows in next to mine.  I wonder if it senses my craving for your presence or, If I unconsciously pull it to me  with the tether that binds us. Do you feel it leave, as I do mine, When it traipses off to sit by your side?  I am comforted by the feeling  Of warmth that surrounds me, When your soul is here. Those are the nights I know that   no shadows will enter my dreams. Snuggling your shirt more closely around me,  I softly run my fingers across the fabric,  wishing softly it was your skin. I lie here idly wondering if my warmth transfers to you through our connection, If our tether comforts you as it often does me. It has been my lifeline on nights   I wanted nothing more than  to cradle you close to me until you fell asleep.  Whispering "I love you" in my mind and hoping it will reach across the miles,  I close my eyes, pull your soul closer,  and wish for sleep.

A quiet evening spent  Cocooned in thoughts of you My hands sliding, at turns,  softly then aggressively over my skin... Your voice drifting through my mind, Directing my actions The presence of your soul  joining with mine Cherishing every touch and whispered word as though gifted directly from my Master, my Love. Unaware of the passage of hours As I am lost so completely in us.

Mine The most beautiful word to ever cross your lips.  The connotation encompasses  everything I have ever wanted.  That one word, when said by you, blends your love, desire, and acceptance  for a woman who has been bereft of all three.  I am scarcely able to control myself  when that word is delivered in your voice. I long to know what it tastes like on your lips. To feel your body tighten to pull me close And reassure me I am always safe  when surrounded by your arms. Knowing, with that word hanging in the air between us,  That you are my shield  when I am unable to defend myself. To a girl who has never warranted  being completely claimed by anyone,  "You're Mine" means everything.

A tightness to my skin An insidious feeling in my mind  that something is out of sync... The feeling is inside my mind yet, Not mine. It's been plaguing me... Causing my stomach to churn And an empty feeling in my chest. What is causing this?  It's nearly driving me mad with worry. 

What does it mean when you would do almost anything to be in the presence of someone? When you would push your body to its physical limits just to be a few miles nearer... And you don't care if pieces of you give out because it was worth every step. Embracing insomnia because it lets you feel your connection with their soul a few hours longer... Almost feeling like being able to watch them sleep. Feeling like an addict waiting for your next dose When you are apart. Your mind refusing to quiet  Unless in their presence. When their sadness makes you unbearably melancholy,  and the urge to fix it gnaws at you until they smile once again. Their thoughts and ideas are the only ones that matter anymore, Everyone else is just background noise. When their touch is the only thing that can bring your stubborn body to arousal, So intense you feel almost drunk on it. What does it mean when you know, if they left, You wouldn't die, you would simply cease exi

Trying so desperately to mask it but, I miss you so terribly. Your fingertips on my skin, Arms holding me close. The scent of your neck. Your soft, firm lips tasting mine. The strength of your body  surrounding me. Well-worded phrases  that nearly drive me from my mind. Smiles that create their own  sunshine in my day. Your voice that  slides like velvet along my skin.  A gaze that makes my heart stutter  before finding its beat again. The feeling I get when  the words "I love you" slip from your lips. I so dearly want to be close... I miss my home.

I am slowly fading toward insanity... There really cannot be any other explanation. The emotions and inner voices are  at war inside my mind... Until I'm sure I must go quite mad from it. My head aches so desperately... I know what will quiet my mind but, It is beyond my reach. So, letting my inner voices to their bickering, I quietly decide which color of straight jacket would compliment me best.

You are missing from me. I feel your absence in every   cell of my frame. I long to smile into your handsome face, And wonder in awe at your crystal blue gaze, Overflowing with the purest feeling  to ever touch my soul... Your Love. You are my greatest need in this life... Without you, there is no me... I would go through life incomplete. You are my love... Without you I cannot breathe.